


Blown Away

by Eternally_Addicted



Category: Twilight
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:47:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26390626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eternally_Addicted/pseuds/Eternally_Addicted
Summary: For all the power of Mother Nature's raging storm lighting up the night, sometimes the fiercest storms with the most damage are the ones inside us. So busy with holding back to avoid the heartbreak, we forget we're also hiding the sun and warmth. What if we just gave in to the honesty in our hearts instead? Would be be able to weather the storm, or get blown away?
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. But I wish I did.

I'm gonna wish I had a storm warnin'  
I'm gonna wish I had a sign  
I'm gonna wish I had a little heads up  
A little leeway, a little more time  
Some kind of radar system locked in on love  
I got a feelin' by the time the night finds the mornin'  
I'm gonna wish I had a storm warnin'

Storm Warning by Hunter hayes

Storm Warning

June

~Edward~

"Edward!" my aunt hollered right after the loud smack of the screen door slammed shut.

"Let's go girl," I said to my German Sheppard who'd already been at the door ready to go when she'd heard my footsteps heading that way.

Quickly glancing over my shoulder, I saw Aunt Mae was not far behind me and I all but ran down the front porch steps in my haste to get away. My boot heels pounded loudly on the wood and banged in my head that was already throbbing with pain like a tractor had been dropped on it.

"You can't run off and hide from this forever," she called.

The throbbing in my head intensified. Ugh, why'd I get so drunk last night?

Stopping halfway between the porch and my truck, I turned around knowing Aunt Mae wasn't going to let me leave until she'd had her say. She had a temper that you didn't want to get on the wrong side of. Even Dottie had learned that in the year I'd had her.

Don't get me wrong, Esme Cullen was one of the most loving and caring women I'd ever known. But if you got her fired up, you'd best be counting your lucky stars she didn't catch up to you until she'd had time to settle down. Even then she'd still be a force to be reckoned with.

Kicking a few rocks around on the gravel driveway with the toe of my boot I replied, "Maybe not, Aunt Mae, but I sure can put it off for as long as possible."

"Edward…honey, I know how hard this must be for you. I know you're still hurting over what she did. But—"

I squeezed my eyes shut not wanting to let her see just how right she was. Flashes of blonde hair and deep red lips burst rapidly into my head and were gone just as quickly, leaving me wondering just what the hell I'd done last night. Or who. I swallowed down the wave of bile that threatened to launch out of my stomach and sighed as I silently prayed I hadn't done something I'd regret.

Lifting my hat, I ran a hand through my hair before turning the bill of it backwards.

"What Bel— " A sharp stab of pain shot through my head. I rubbed my temples, willing it to subside. "What she did was a long time ago. I've moved on. I'm okay, Aunt Mae."

"Well of course you are, honey," she declared in that voice of hers that told me she didn't really believe me. "I just meant that seeing her after all this time won't be easy. What with her comin' back for the funeral and all."

"I know you're just lookin' out for me and I appreciate that. I really do, but I'd figured this day would come sooner or later and I promised myself I wouldn't let it eat at me. Besides, her daddy died, she should come back. It's fine…I'm fine," I told her.

Who you tryin' to convince, buddy? Your aunt, or yourself?

"Well at least come back inside and let me fix ya something to help with that headache you got thumping in your head," she offered.

"Nah, I gotta get on home. Got some weather charts to double check before I head out with the team tomorrow."

"You know getting sucked up by one of those storms you like to chase ain't gonna make things any better."

"I'm not gonna get sucked up in a tornado, Aunt Mae. This is Oklahoma, not Oz," I teased. "And my head ain't that bad. I'll take a couple of aspirin for it as soon as I get home," I assured her.

"Well Emmett was over with Rose this morning and he was sayin—"

"Emmett has a big mouth that never knows when to stay shut. It's just a little headache. I'll be fine. Now I really have to get goin'."

I ran back up onto the porch and left a quick kiss on her cheek, then made my way to my truck before she tried to convince me to stay again.

"I expect to see you in church on Sunday for the funeral. So you best be careful out there. You hear me, Edward Anthony Cullen?" Aunt Mae called from where she stood perched at the top of the porch stairs.

"Yes ma'am."

As much as I hated it, I knew I had to.

I pulled open the door of my red Chevy truck and motioned for Dottie to hop on in. Climbing in after her, I tried to fight off the memories that wanted to plow their way into my thoughts.

"You'd never run off on me, would ya girl?" I asked Dottie as I ruffled the fur on her head. She barked as if she was answering me.

"Good girl," I praised, giving her a pat on the head before starting the truck.

Dottie was almost three years old. I'd rescued her last year when I'd been out on a chase and I'd gotten held up in Wakita. An F3 tornado had torn through the small town that was about three and a half hours northwest of Checotah. The main road in and out of town had been closed with debris so I'd been forced to spend the night. While there, me and the other guys decided to help with the rescue efforts going on and in the process I'd stumbled upon her trapped under a tangle of tree branches and heard her whimpering.

After getting her free, we'd taken her to the nearest animal shelter so her owners could be located. A week later I'd gotten a call that her owners hadn't made it through the tornado, and unless she had a home to go to, there was a chance she'd have to be put down. Knowing I couldn't let that happen, I'd driven back up to Wikita and adopted her.

She'd been glued to my side ever since, the only exception being when I was out on a chase. She stayed with Aunt Mae and Uncle Carlisle then.

By the time I'd driven the quarter of a mile down the dirt road that traveled along the back property line of my aunt and Uncle's farm, and had made it to the old barn I'd converted into an apartment for me, the memories were flowing like water from a wide open faucet.

It'd been four years since Bella had left. Since she'd packed up and walked out of this town, out of our relationship, out of all the plans we'd made, and out of my life. The problem with me remembering how she had upped and left me standing at the end of the now paved road leading to my aunt and uncle's farm, was those memories stirred up the good ones too.

Like the first day I met her, first time I kissed her, and the day she turned 16 and rode her horse right into my heart, making me realize I loved her for the first time. And God help me but I couldn't forget the time we'd almost gotten busted for fiddling around on my piano.

No, I couldn't afford to let her get under my skin again. She'd probably blow into town and right back out just as fast as a summer rain storm anyways.

Who are you trying to fool, cowboy? Did she ever really get out from under your skin?

"Fuck," I cursed, slamming my foot on the brakes and my hand on the steering wheel at the same time, bringing my old red truck to a skidding halt in front of the barn.

Dottie barked at me and pawed at the door as if she was telling me to let her out.

"I'm sorry, girl. I didn't mean to spook you." She let out a whine and promptly came over to give me a doggie kiss on the side of my face.

After waiting outside for Dottie to do her business, I found myself sulking as I lay sprawled across my bed.

Why did I feel like finding out Bella was coming back should have come with some kind of a warning?

A storm warning. The severe kind.

I'd known it was a possibility as soon as I'd heard of their dad's passing from her brother Emmett, who also happened to be my best friend and my cousin's husband. But somehow having the possibility become a reality stung so much more than I'd ever imagined it would.

Closing my eyes, I buried my face in the pillow and was assaulted with memories of her I'd kept buried for so long. The sight of her hair blowing behind her as she rode her horse, the deep brown color of her eyes that left me drowning in them, and a smile so bright it could light the darkest night. She was everywhere—In my truck, in my bed, on the tractor, my aunt's front porch, the stables, hell even in Aunt Mae's and Uncle Carlisle's house. I think she spent more time there with us than she ever did at her own house. Especially after that one summer. The summer that made her hell bent on leaving this town.

Even if I hadn't known it at the time.

It had taken me months and months to not see her face everywhere I went, and had gotten a little easier once I'd turned this old barn into my own place, a place where she'd never been, and now there she was again…filling my head as if she'd never left.

My hand gripped the pillow so tightly it was a miracle it hadn't ripped. A deep ache formed in my chest as I remembered how as kids me, Rose, Alice, Emmett and Bella used to always hang out around the farm. Alice, my twin sister, and I had always enjoyed the time we'd spent here every summer. The five of us had been inseparable. We'd play hide and seek in the barn by the house, and the hayloft. We'd sneak down to the lake on the far end of the property to swim at night. The last summer we'd all been together was when Bella, Alice, and I were twelve. Bella had still been a lanky tomboy back then. That'd been the summer of 2002. Though Alice had continued to go, I'd started going to science and tech camps each summer, where I met my other best friend and brother-in-Law, Jasper Whitlock.

Next time I'd seen Bella was four years later, the summer after the accident that had taken our parents from Alice and me, back in July of 2006. I'd been mowing the yard for Aunt Mae on the tractor when I'd caught sight of someone sitting on the wooden fence holding out a bottle of water. I'd figured whoever it was had been sent out there by Aunt Mae. I'd been right about that much, but who the someone turned out to be had blown me away. As I'd shut down the tractor and started the walk to the fence, I'd surprisingly recognized who it was. Her long ponytail sticking out of the back of a baseball hat had been a dead giveaway that it was little Bella Swan. Only when I'd gotten close enough to really see her, had I become stunned by the beautiful young woman that had once been a tomboy. Sure at nearly sixteen she still had her trademark ponytail and baseball hat, and the smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose and cheeks, but the lanky, skinny girl I'd once known had blossomed into a natural beauty with curves in all the right places, full red lips, long lashes framing her espresso eyes, and a shy smile that stirred something deep inside me that I'd never felt before. Instead of wanting to toss her into the lake like old times, in that moment all I had been able to think about was getting her lips on mine.

That had been the turning point in our friendship and just a couple of months later on her sixteenth birthday, I'd realized I loved her as I watched her ride up to the house on her horse Midnight.

Old questions still lingered at times. Why hadn't the plans we'd made…the love we'd shared been enough to hold her here?

Why hadn't I been enough?

A thought echoed in my head. Maybe it's time you ask her?

Maybe it was. But could I really handle knowing? I thought I could. Maybe?

Maybe not.

I'm so fucked.

~Bella~

I couldn't believe I was really here. That I'd really come back after all this time.

I stared out the window as the truck drove down the winding two lane highway. I thought I'd let go of all the memories of the life I'd once had here. Or had at least buried them so deep they'd never come to the surface again.

Well other than the dreams that still haunted me.

I thought I'd long ago said goodbye to this place…to him. But as we got closer to the turn off leading to his family's farm, an aching, yearning feeling filled my heart like it was trying to anchor me to this town I'd once loved and called home.

To the man I'd once loved more than anything on this earth.

It didn't matter though. All the reasons that I once would have stayed for probably no longer existed. Of course he's moved on. When I'd made the choice to go, to leave this town behind, to leave him behind, I was sure I'd burnt bridges that could never be rebuilt, that there wasn't anything left for me in Checotah, Oklahoma any more.

But as the truck turned onto the gravel driveway and the crunch of the gravel beneath tires filled my ears, one thought circled in my head…

How will you know if you don't try?

Chapter End Notes:

I know, it's been a while. But here I am back with a new story that I hope you enjoy coming along for the ride. Thank you to my partner in crime, My-Bella, for making sure all those dang commas go where they are supposed to, and helping me keep my sanity when the plot bunnies get out of control. I couldn't do this without you.

Can't wait to see what ya'll think.

~EA


	2. Why You Wanna

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or it's characters, I just like to play with their lives every once in a while.

Out of all of the places in this little town  
Yeah, you had to come walking in here and sit down  
I'm hiding and hoping my face ain't too red  
Since we been over, been trying like crazy to get you out of my head

"Why You Wanna" by Jenna Kramer

~Edward~

I glanced over at my friend, knowing he was biting his tongue, trying to keep from saying something as he watched me load my equipment and other supplies into my truck.

After my third trip from my loft to the truck either his patience must have worn out or his urge to tear into me overruled it because the silent treatment he'd been giving me ended. Leaning with his arm perched on the top of the truck bed, he released a long drawn out sigh and scratched the back of his head. "So you're really going to do this?"

"Do what? I asked.

He looked at me like the answer should have been obvious to me.

It was.

But if he was going to give me grief over going on this chase, then I wasn't going to make it easy for him or just take it without defending myself.

"You mean do my job?" I shot back at him with a quirked eyebrow as I turned my hat backwards to keep the gusty winds that were kicking up from taking it off my head.

After all it was my favorite hat. I'd had it for about five years now and even though it was more grass and dirt than the green and white it used to be, and you could barely make out the Norman, OK that was printed on the front, I still wore it anyways.

"Is that what you're pretending to be doing? I didn't know storm chasing included you runnin' off for who knows where two days before you're expected to be at a funeral," he chided.

"I'm not runnin' off, Jazz. I reckon you're well aware of the fact my job includes me traveling all over the state of Oklahoma and most of the surrounding states too. We do live in the heart of tornado alley, in case you've forgotten."

A cold front was sinking down from the north, bringing a big low-pressure system full of abnormally cool air for this time of the year with it, which was the instigator for the storm chase I was about to go out on. However, while my family normally wouldn't have thought twice about me taking off at the last minute or without much notice, this time they all seemed to be fixated on the idea that I was only going to delay seeing Bella as long as I could.

I closed and locked the lid of the storage box bolted to the truck bed and then hopped over the tail-gate, landing with a thud as my boots hit the ground.

Jasper shook his head and sighed. "Living in tornado alley is not something any of us could forget. Now why don't you just be honest with us both and admit you're hiding from Emmett's sister?"

"Because I'm not."

"Yeah, right." He sighed again. "Look, Alice is thrilled to be seeing her again after all this time. Don't you think four years is long enough to let bygones be bygones?"

I opened my mouth to respond but he cut me off before I could.

"'Sides, we all know you don't have to go out on every chase that comes your way, and up 'til yesterday there'd been no mention at all of you goin' out on this one. Hell, you hadn't even mentioned there was one. So the way I see it you're just runnin'."

He was right.

I knew he was right and he knew he was right, but that didn't mean I had to admit it to him.

Jasper may have married into my family, but he knew me as well, if not better than those who'd been born into it.

Well, except for Alice.

Jasper was born and raised near Waco, Texas and I'd met him when I was thirteen at a science and technology summer camp. With the camp being held on the west coast in the heart of Silicon Valley, he'd stood out like a wolf in a hen house with his shaggy blond hair, cowboy boots, and deep southern accent. But he'd reminded me of Oklahoma and so I'd introduced myself. We had hit it off instantly. Our laid-back personalities and love of all things weather gave us a common ground to form an air tight friendship. My smart mouthed twin—his wife—preferred to call us weather geeks, but neither of us minded.

Over the course of the next several summers through the rest of middle school and high school our friendship deepened to like brothers instead of friends. We'd only gone to camp a couple more years after that first one, but we'd taken turns visiting each other and stayed in touch through phone calls and texts.

While Jasper and I were both fascinated by weather, the place where we differed was that I was interested in the weather itself and Jasper was all about the technology that was needed to predict and decipher it. I'd been ecstatic when by the time it came for us to head to college he'd decided to attend the University of Oklahoma at their Norman campus which is where I was also going.

Where Bella was supposed to go too.

By this time Alice and I were already living on the farm in Checotah with Aunt Mae, Uncle Carlisle, and Rose. When a freak ice storm shut down the airport our freshman year, he had come home with me for Christmas. It was the one and only time I'd ever seen my sister completely and utterly speechless. From the second the two of them had locked eyes as I'd made the family introductions, they were instantly an item and together ever since. After we'd graduated Jasper had been hired by NOAA to work in the technological development and research department and I'd gone to work for The Weather Channel chasing storms. Him and Alice had married that same summer. Last summer. The same summer Bella and I would have most likely been doing the same thing.

If she'd stayed.

"Well, judging by your silence I'm guessing I'm right," Jasper surmised, not knowing I had drifted off in memory lane.

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. "You didn't hear about it because it just came up this morning. And I don't mean the chase, I mean the need for me to go on it."

"Oh really? How'd that happen?"

"Guy who was supposed to lead the hunt for this round had to back out. His wife had a baby."

I wasn't lying to him. At least not about why they needed another chase-experienced meteorologist on this hunt. What I wasn't admitting to Jasper, and wasn't likely to at all, was the fact I'd called up Ben and practically begged him to let me go out in Mike's place instead of him.

"Uh huh. That's mighty damn convenient for you isn't it? Bet it took you real long to say yes," he accused.

"Jasper," I huffed, my frustration getting to me. "Does it really matter why I'm going? It's my job, I was asked to go. And I promised Aunt Mae I'd be back for the funeral, and I will. So does it really matter?"

"I think you already know that answer."

He turned so his back was resting against the side of the truck and crossed his arms over his chest. He shook his head and let out a long slow gust of air.

"Jazz," I started, pulling my hat off and running a hand through my hair. The way he was staring at me made me feel like a five-year-old being scolded. "Don't stand there acting all disappointed dad with me. I'm not runnin'. Not really. I just need to clear my head. I need…I don't know. I just really need to do this now," I told him, hoping he'd get what I was failing to put into words.

He nodded. "I hope it helps. 'Cause for someone who claims to have moved on, you sure act like a man who is still harboring a lot of feelings for his old high school sweetheart."

"I'm not," I told him, wanting to add that she had been way more than my high school sweetheart. But I didn't, it'd only fuel him on.

He nodded again with a smirk on his face, telling me he thought I was just trying to blow smoke up his ass when it came to my feelings about Bella.

We stood there for a few minutes, neither of us uttering a sound. I had a feeling he was trying to get me to crack. But not this time. How I did or didn't feel about her was no one's business but my own. And I intended to keep it that way. She'd be here for a few days and then blow out of town faster than the weather system I'd be tracking in a few hours.

Knowing I could be as stubborn as a wild horse, he caved. "Well," he straightened his stance and placed his hat back on his head. "I gotta head home. Your sister is making my favorite dinner tonight."

His frustration with me melted away at the mention of my twin sister and a wide smile spread across his face. It was clear how much he loved her. I never imagined when Jasper had come to live here for college, he'd end up marrying Alice. But it'd been love at first sight for them both and neither one of them have looked back since.

They shared a love like my and Alice's parents had, like Aunt Mae and Uncle Carlisle still did.

I'd thought I'd had that once.

I was wrong.

So fucking wrong.

"Give Allie Cat a hug for me. I'll see ya both Sunday."

"Yep," he said giving me a light punch on the arm. "Stay safe."

"Always."

I watched for a second as he walked over to his own truck, I then headed up the walkway to loft in the old barn. Just as he was about to pull away, he stuck his head out the window and hollered. "Losing that hat might go a long way to convincing some of us you've done buried your feelings for Bella."

His tires spit dirt at me as he sped off before I could respond.

What's wrong with my hat? I thought, pulling it off my head and looking at it.

Sure it was dirty and I could get a new one if I wanted. But this one was broke in. Why would I get rid of it now?

From where I sat in the back pew, I had a perfect view of the front row. From left to right were Emmet's Aunt Charlotte and Uncle Peter, next to them was Rose, my niece Emma, Emmett and on the very end... Her.

Bella.

Hard as I tried, I couldn't pull my eyes away from her. They kept wandering back to her like they were on autofocus.

After I gave up fighting it and really paid attention, I noticed her hair was longer than when she'd left and the reddish highlights she used to get after being out in the hot summer sun were more abundant. She pulled the long strands from behind her, over her shoulder, and began twisting the ends around her finger. It was a habit she'd had since she was a little girl. Twirling her hair had always been a sign she was nervous.

Was she nervous now? If so why? Why did I even care?

I felt dazed watching as she twirled the long strands around her finger and pulled them loose only to repeat the step over and over, causing me to want to run my own fingers through the soft tresses. A few minutes had passed when she squirmed in her seat before chancing a quick glance around the church as if she'd sensed she was being watched.

Was that why she was playing with her hair? Did she know I was watching her?

You're reading way too much into this, I said to myself, trying to convince myself that there was no way the connection we'd once shared was still there.

Bowing my head, I attempted to not be seen by trying to hide my face behind the man in front of me. Closing my eyes I prayed she hadn't busted me. While waiting for it to feel safe to look up again, my mind was forced back to the time she'd told me she could always tell when I'd been watching her, how she'd felt my eyes on her...

I'd just walked up behind her and slipped my arms around her waist, placing a soft kiss on her neck. It was Emmett's 21st birthday party, and the house was full of friends and family.

"Bout time you got over here. What took ya so long?" she asked turning in my arms and gazing up at me. Her eyes were full of love and curiosity for the answer to her question.

"I was just admiring the view," I admitted, pecking her on the lips.

"Hope you liked what you saw," she shot back.

"Loved it. How'd you know I was here? You were watching your crazy brother the whole time?" I asked after giving her a quick kiss.

Emmett was in the middle of a beer chugging contest with a couple of his buddies.

With one hand braced on my shoulder for balance, perched on her tip-toes, Bella reached up and turned my hat backwards so she could give me a much longer kiss. When she pulled away, she replied, "I could feel you watching me. I've always felt your eyes on me...ever since things changed between us. Maybe even before then. It's like some silent voice calling to me, letting me know you're here. Does that weird you out?"

"No, Kitten, it doesn't." I kissed her again. "'Cause I feel it too."

I was tugged from my thoughts when the voices of all those around me began to repeat the Lord's Prayer. Joining in I repeated the words I'd learned as a child.

Knowing the service was nearly over, I realized I had been lost in my memories of Bella much longer than it had felt. I scanned the church again, wondering if I could sneak out as stealthily as I'd come in. Aunt Mae had been the only one to see me sneak in at the last second, and she was really the only one I cared to know I'd been there. I could always tell Emmett later that I'd made it at the last minute, knowing Aunt Mae would confirm my presence if he had any doubts.

My mind wandered again back to when Alice and I had first moved to Oklahoma.

Aunt Mae had always been special to Alice and me. Her husband, Uncle Carlisle and my father Edward Sr. were brothers, just two years a part, with Uncle Carlisle being the older of the two. When Alice and I were little we'd all come down to the farm for family vacations to get away from the city life in Chicago. Once Alice and I got older we'd often stay for weeks after our parents would return to Chicago. It was during those summers we'd become close friends with Emmett and Bella.

Aunt Esme, or Aunt Mae as we called her, was the epitome of what everyone would want in a mother. She was an open book and never one to hide how she felt and always willing to show you affection whenever she wanted to. She was always hugging us, telling us how much she loved us and it didn't matter where you were or who was around. Now it wasn't that my mother Elizabeth wasn't at all caring or unloving, she just wasn't one to show her affections openly. She just wasn't the lovey dovey cuddling type. Not to say she never told Alice or me that she loved us, or never gave us any attention at all, she did. It just wasn't an everyday thing. She just assumed that those who she cared for knew it and there was no need to express it all the time.

The flip side of Aunt Mae being so open with her feelings was that she also made it crystal clear if she was upset with you too. And trust me, a pissed off Aunt Mae was worse than a bucking bull or a wild horse dragging ya across the field. Which was precisely why when she'd told me I best have my ass in this church today, I was here.

Not only did I fear the wrath of Esme Cullen, but I also had great love and respect for her. Just before my and Alice's seventeenth birthday our parents had been out at a business fundraiser for the law firm my father worked for and were hit by a drunk driver on their way home and killed instantly. Carlisle and Esme had immediately gotten on the first plane they could and were by my and Alice's side as we said goodbye to our parents. My sister and I were given the option of staying in Chicago with our maternal grandparents so that we could remain in the same schools and with our friends in the city we'd grown up in, or to go to Oklahoma with our aunt and uncle. Despite being sad to leave what had been our home, there was no other option for Alice and me. Oklahoma was where we wanted to be.

Our transition to life on the farm hadn't been seamless, but it did help that it was a very familiar place to us and though we'd have given anything to have our parents back, both Alice and me considered ourselves very fortunate to have been given such an amazing set of second parents. They just didn't come much better than Aunt Mae and Uncle Carlisle. We couldn't love them more if we'd been born their children.

I was quickly brought back to the present by the sound of the minister's voice asking us all to bow our heads in a moment of silence, I decided this was my chance. However, I spent too long staring at the front pew again and found myself stuck in my spot when the priest instructed everyone to rise and pay their final respects to Charlie Swan as his casket was carried down the aisle.

Accepting I had no way of escaping now, I prepared myself for the Swan family to walk past me as they followed their departed loved one out of the church.

Maybe I should have just skipped this and dealt with Aunt Mae's wrath.

She'd kick your ass to Chicago and back again for it too!

And that would be just the start of her wrath.

Sucking in a deep breath, I watched the end of the ceremony and returned the slight nod of acknowledgement Emmett sent when he saw me. Without thought, my eyes quickly moved to his sister who was walking right behind him. A wave of relief washed over me with the realization she was busy looking down at her niece, grasping the little girl's hand, which prevented her from seeing me.

Just a few more minutes, I repeated in my head as the urge to bolt became greater the closer Bella got to me.

Keeping my head hung low, I held onto my last hope she would pass by without knowing it was me. But it wasn't to be. Just when I'd thought she might do just that, I heard a soft gasp and saw her step falter for a moment. My mind began racing with why she'd react to seeing me in such a way. Did she think I wouldn't be here to pay my last respects to one of my two best friend's father? Did she think I'd stay away because of her?

Who are you trying to fool? You would have if you'd been given the option.

Still. She'd been the one to leave me behind so why wasn't it as easy for her to just walk on by as it had been for her to walk away four years ago?

I was quickly getting a headache. I really needed to get home and put all of this out of my mind and sleep.

Unfortunately, because I was in the last pew, I was one of the last people to make my way out of the church and not at all surprised to find my aunt waiting for me at the bottom of the steps with Alice and Jasper.

"Aunt Mae," I greeted her before placing a peck on her cheek first and then my sister's.

"Glad to see you made it back to us in once piece," Aunt Mae said, pulling me into a hug.

"I always do," I returned.

"Chicken shit," Jasper leaned in next to me and muttered under his breath.

Not wanting to chance my aunt hearing any payback remark I'd make, I casually pretended to scratch my ear and flipped him off in the process.

"Stop it. Both of you," Aunt Mae scolded.

"He—"

"Don't you dare tell me he started it, Edward Anthony. You're both grown men and too dammed old for this craziness."

"Yes, ma'am," we both replied in unison.

Wanting to get the heck out of here now that I'd fulfilled the promise I'd made, I said my goodbyes and prepared to hightail it home.

However, Aunt Mae wasn't going to allow that.

"Not so fast," she called, stopping me dead in my tracks. I turned to face her, knowing I'd be in deep shit if I didn't. "Since Emmett is a member of this family, therefore making his family practically our family, I've invited them over for supper." She took the steps necessary to close the small distance I'd put between us in my haste to leave and placed her small hand firmly on my arm. "This is a family meal, Edward. We both know you're capable of behaving like the adult you are. The adult who was raised with proper manners for the amount of time it takes for us to get through supper. And I also believe you're a smart enough man to know what that means without me having to spell it out for you."

I felt like shit for not giving Emmett the support that I should be. I knew he had Rose and the rest of our family, but he was my best friend and I shouldn't be running like a spooked horse right now. I knew he understood why I'd made myself scarce since Bella had gotten back, he'd told me so. He'd gone so far as to tell me that if the situation was reversed and Rose had run off on him, he wouldn't want to see her any more than he had to, too. But I still felt like I was letting him down.

Then get your shit together, cowboy. The least you can do is show up to the funeral service and the get-together afterwards.

I'd known Emmett as long as I could remember. The first time Alice and I had spent the summer on the farm was when we'd met Emmett and his little sister Bella. At the time Rose and Emmett were around nine and Alice, Bella, and I were six. There were times when Emmett and I would hang out alone, we were boys after all, and the last thing we wanted was to be around three girls all the time. Of course, that didn't stop us from chasing them around with the frogs we'd catch by the lake on the farm.

I was suddenly hit with the image of eight-year-old Bella running, with her pigtails flapping against her back as she ran to get away from us. She tripped over a log by the lake and landed flat on her face. Emmett being the awesome big brother he is, instantly dropped his frog and ran to his sister's side to make sure she was okay. He was still just as great a guy today as he was back then.

Over the years, things shifted with Emmett and Rose. They'd become a couple at fourteen and remained together and married right out of high school. Neither one had never had any desire to leave Checotah, not permanently anyways. They'd left long enough to get their college degrees, Rose in early childhood education and Emmett in farming and agriculture. Emmett now ran the farm for my aunt and uncle and Rose was the kindergarten teacher at the local elementary school. They had a three-year-old little girl, Emma, and had just found out baby number two was on the way.

Against my will my mind wandered off to thinking about where Bella and me might be by now if she'd stayed. Would we have any kids? Would she go on the chase with me? The possibilities were endless.

No, the possibilities had been endless.

Which was exactly why even though I hated myself for it, I wanted to avoid her at all cost.

"I'm sure Emmett and his family will welcome and appreciate your kindness, Aunt Mae, but I could really use some sleep. I didn't get much on the chase. How about I stop by after I take a nap," I pleaded, already forming an excuse for not showing up in my head while yawning widely for added effect.

"Why? So you can call me later to say you never woke up on time and you're sorry you didn't make it? When's the next time you have to head out?" she asked.

Shit, how'd she do that?

"Not for two weeks. Since I've gone on three chases in a row now, Ben will go on the next two. I'm not due at the weather center 'til Tuesday, though I'll probably start analyzing data at home," I explained.

"Sounds to me like you'll have plenty of time to catch up on some sleep. I'll expect to see you at the house."

"Aunt Mae," I whined.

"Don't you Aunt Mae me. If you're not there I'll come down and drag you up to the house by your ear," she warned.

I nodded in resignation, knowing she'd do just as she threatened.

She gave me another hug and hurried off when her name was called by one of her friends.

"Shit, shit and shit again," I grumbled to myself.

"Want some cheese to go with that whine," Jasper said with a snort as he passed by to leave.

Too tired to bother with a comeback, I ignored him and left.

I'd spent all evening feeling like I was playing some childish game of hide and seek or cat and mouse as I'd done my best to remain hidden from Bella during the supper my aunt and uncle hosted for her family.

Finally tired of bouncing from room to room any time I'd heard her voice even faintly, I sought some solace in the downstairs family room knowing most, if not all, of everyone here would be upstairs in the main part of the house or out back on the screened-in-porch where the tables had been set up to accommodate the large number of people that had been invited.

I let a long sigh of relief out when I found the room was indeed empty. Sitting down on the couch, I twisted the cap off the bottle of beer I'd grabbed on my way down here. After taking a long swig of it, I slumped back against the soft cushions and closed my eyes, grateful for a few minutes of reprieve.

Hiding in plain sight was exhausting.

I must have dozed off. When I opened my eyes, it was now dark outside and it had still been completely daylight out before. Realizing there was much less noise coming from upstairs, I figured most everyone had left so it'd be safe for me to say my goodbyes and head home. I was still worn out from the chase I'd been on and was ready to crawl into my bed. Getting up from the couch, the hairs on my neck started to tingle like they were standing on end and a jolt of energy shot up my spine like it did when lightning was too close by.

No! It couldn't be. No way. Not after all I'd done to avoid this today, I told myself.

But as the sensation continued I found myself turning in search of what I was certain couldn't be the explanation for what I was feeling. But there she was, sitting in the chair across the room with her back to me.

How had I been aware of Bella's presence before I even saw her?

I didn't get it. Even after all these years and the pain she'd caused me when she'd run out on me, I still felt her closeness like no time had passed.

What the hell did that mean?

Why did I still have the same connection to her?

I couldn't move. My feet were frozen where I stood and my eyes on her. She had her arms wrapped around herself as if she was holding herself for comfort. The wave of emotions that came over me was so sudden and strong. I'd never felt so torn, so like I was being pulled in a million directions before in my entire life. I was so stunned by the confliction coursing through me, my breath caught in my chest, and I was nearly knocked back down on the couch. My arms ached to go to her and hold her, ease her pain and tell her everything would be okay. My head wanted to yell at her, demand some answers and then tell her to go back to Florida. But my heart…my heart was drowning in all the feelings that came rushing back, the ones I'd thought I could burry so deep they'd never come out again. It felt like I was about to come unglued.

Of all the places in this house, why'd she have come down here and sit? I didn't know what to do. Should I sit back down and hope she didn't notice me? Do I run the hell out of here so fast she doesn't have a chance to say anything? This was going to be harder to deal with than I'd thought. I needed to get the hell out of here. All I'd done since I'd heard she was coming back to town…hell for the last four years, was fight to get her out of my head.

Don't forget your heart.

Had she known I was down here?

I wasn't ready to deal with this now. I had to figure out how to get out of here. Before I could, I stupidly stole one last look at her. I watched as she shuddered, turned and looked up like she'd felt my presence there, her eyes locking with mine.

Well shit. What do I do now?  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter End Notes:

So, we have our first face to face confrontation. Any ideas how that's gonna go?

Thank you to my partner in crime, My-Bella, for always making sure all those dang commas go where they are supposed to, and for helping me keep my sanity when the plot bunnies get out of control. I couldn't do this without you.

Can't wait to see what ya'll think.

~EA


	3. You Think You Know Somebody

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or it's characters, I just like to play with their lives every once in a while.

Every late night call,  
Every morning kiss,  
All the "I can't live without you's"  
And you say goodbye like this  
Don't you understand, do you even care  
If you love me like you said you did you'd still be standing here  
You think you know somebody

"You Think You Know Somebody" by Hunter Hayes

~Edward~

My feet were like lead. No matter how loud I screamed in my head to just get the hell out of that room, my body didn't move. It was like I was having an out of body experience and couldn't control my own movements any more. Apparently, my eyes weren't functioning any better than my feet since I couldn't take them off of her.

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I had no clue what to say to her. It was hard to forget the way she'd broken my heart, turned my life upside down, and ripped all the plans we'd made to shreds. I had to take a step back for the sake of my best friend upstairs mourning his loss. Bella's loss too. They'd both just buried their father. No, it didn't matter how badly I wanted to lash out at her, scream, ask her why; today was not the day.

Still staring at her gone was the eighteen-year-old girl who'd run off all those years ago and in her place was a young woman. Her face was slightly fuller and more mature looking, but I could still see traces of the girl I'd once known. She still had a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks and though her eyes were full of tears they still were like large pools of molten chocolate. What I noticed the most though, was despite the fact she had tear stains trailing down both cheeks, she was still just as beautiful as she'd always been. It took me back to the tears running down her face the day she'd walked away from me.

What the hell, Cullen? Was what she did to you pretty?

"Um…I'm…" Bella uttered in a shaky voice, followed by a long sigh as she hung her head and looked at the floor breaking our gaze.

I hated this. I hated how conflicted I felt. How part of me wanted to scoop her up in my arms and hold her as she cried for her father and whisper in her ear that it'd be okay. That I was there for her. Yet another part of me wanted to rip her to shreds. Shake her until she gave me the answers to questions that still haunted my sleep. Force her to tell me how we'd gotten to this point. How we'd gone from goodnight kisses and whispers of never letting go of one another. I needed to know if she understood what she'd done to me. To know if she even cared. To be able to grasp how you think you knew somebody one minute, so well they practically felt like an extension of yourself, part of your very own soul, and think they're a total stranger the next.

"I," she whispered before wiping her eyes and sucking in a long pull of air and blurting out, "I didn't know anyone was down here. I'm so—."

"There you are," Alice said with relief in her voice as she entered the room. She must have been searching for Bella

"Fuck," I muttered lowly in frustration, causing Alice to spin around quickly, taking notice of me standing there across the room. I had just resigned myself to wanting to hear what Bella had to say and my sister decided to show up.

Fucking great timing.

"Oh. I didn't see you over there, Edward." Alice paused and looked back and forth between Bella and me before she continued. "Did I interrupt something?" she asked hesitantly, as if she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to her own question.

Neither one of us said anything. Alice shifted from one foot to the other giving us the chance to elaborate on the situation she'd walked in on.

"Well…uh if the two of you were getting caught up, I can…uh tell Emmett. I think he was wanting to get you settled soon, Bella. They're wanting to get Emma to bed. She's starting to get a little restless," Alice said, breaking the uncomfortable silence that was hanging over the room like a giant wall cloud hovering above the ground before the storm breaks wide open.

My sister was turning to head upstairs when Bella found her voice again. "Wait up, Alice. I was on my way up anyhow. I just needed a minute to myself but Edward was already down here."

My eyes swept from Alice to Bella, willing her to look my way. Her head moved slightly like she might, but then she quickly bent and picked up her shoes sitting on the floor next to her and slipped them back on. I shook my head and fought back the sarcastic snort I wanted to let out.

You mean scream?

She'd just told me she hadn't seen me down here and now she's telling my sister that she's leaving because I'm here.

Which the fuck was it?

I balled my hands, feeling my nails dig into them, in order to keep from darting across the room and demanding she finish what she was about to say. I closed my eyes for a second and sucked in a deep breath because I feared what I might say if I opened my mouth and got started. There'd be no stopping me.

Not now, not in front of Alice, I repeated to myself.

All I could think as she made her way from the room was, she walked out on me a little over four years ago, vanishing from my life, and here she was walking away again.

I listened to the sound of Alice and Bella's footsteps until I was sure they were a safe enough distance away for me to make a run at getting the hell out of here. It felt like a lifetime before I was in the clear. Certain that Bella would be in the family room saying her goodnights, I escaped out the back. I knew Aunt Mae would tear into my ass for leaving without seeing her, but she was just gonna have to give me some leeway in this mess of a situation. I'd done what she'd asked of me. I'd gone to the funeral, and I'd behaved myself through the family dinner she'd insisted I attend. Now it was time for me to do what I needed to do.

Jogging across the driveway, I was thankful that I'd parked behind everyone else instead of pulling all the way up to the house. If I'd had, I'd have been blocked in and wouldn't be going anywhere. Yeah, I could walk the short distance to my barn loft, but I wasn't going home right now. Being at home was still too close to where Bella was at the moment.

Digging my keys out of my pocket, I jammed them into the ignition and after throwing the truck into reverse, I backed down the driveway, far faster than I probably should have.

As I drove, my body was humming with the adrenaline-fueled emotions surging through me.

"Fuck, shit, damnit!" I growled, slamming the steering wheel with my hand every time a curse word flew from my mouth.

For months after she'd left, all I'd wanted was to talk to her, see her, beg her to change her mind and come home. And now…why now? Why when I was finally able to deal with the shit-storm she'd left in her wake?

"Shit," I cursed again for not paying more attention to what I was doing. Get your head out of your ass, I thought for not slowing down more before pulling onto the gravel parking lot of The Bar. Slamming my foot hard on the brake pedal I managed to skid to a stop before I hit the building. The sound of gravel spitting out from under my tires as I did, ricocheted off the underneath of my truck in rapid fire succession.

Entering the building, I glanced around and noticed it was an unusually slow night for the local watering hole that was almost always busy. Good. I wanted to be left alone to wash my thoughts away. Being on the main road in town kept it on everyone's radar since you'd drive past it whether you were coming or going from town in either direction. But tonight I was grateful there was only a handful of people and they seemed to be together and enjoying a game of pool on the far side of the place.

Making my way to the bar, I slid onto a stool at the end furthest away from the billiards room.

"Hey, Edward, what's up man? You want the usual?" Jack asked. He was the bar tender and owner, as well as a good friend of mine.

Jack was a tall drink of water as Aunt Mae liked to say, nearly six foot six and strong as an ox. And according to the gossip amongst the women in town he was damn good looking too. Jack's prowess with the female population was nothing new to me, I'd spent all four years of college seeing them drool and bat their lashes at his sandy blonde hair and blue eyes.

"Yeah and throw a burger on the grill for me too."

"You got it," Jack replied.

I suddenly felt the need for something more than a burger and beer and changed my mind. "You know what?"

He looked my way as he reached into the cooler and pulled out a bottle of beer and waited for me to answer my own question.

"Make that a boilermaker. With the day I've had, beer just ain't gonna do it for me right now."

Jack looked a little surprised at my request but nodded and slid the beer down the bar to me then poured the shot of whiskey to go with it.

I picked up the shot glass and swirled the amber contents around a bit before downing it in one swallow. I felt the heat of the whiskey as it went down, welcoming the warmth of it in the pit of my stomach.

"Give me another." I set the glass down and slid it down the bar to Jack.  
After the second there was a third. The buzz from the liquor couldn't hit me fast enough. I wanted it to burn the image of seeing Bella from my brain.

Frustrated I picked at the paper label on my beer bottle before taking a long swig.

"Are you ok, man?" Jack asked. His eyebrows were lifted with his curiosity as he wiped down the bar top, waiting for my reply.

Was I ok?

Slumping against the back of the barstool, I downed another long drink of beer as I thought about how to answer him.

"Yes. No. Fuck, man, I don't even know," I huffed.

"I heard about Chief Swan. Must be a tough day for your family. Wasn't the funeral today?" he inquired, genuinely concerned.

I nodded, the image of Bella sitting in the church flashed before my eyes, instantly causing me to nudge the empty shot glass closer to him, silently asking him for another round.

"I can't imagine what that must be like…to lose a parent." He stopped and stared at the floor for a moment. "Not to mention, both of them."

It fucking sucks, I thought.

I tipped my beer bottle back and sucked down the rest of it. After setting it down on the bar top I was talking before I'd even realized what I'd said. "I wish that was the only demon I wanted to chase away tonight."

"What was that?" Jack asked.

"Nothing. Just talking to myself," I lied.

"Well that's one way to win a conversation. But you know there's an old saying about bar tenders," he supplied.

"No, I don't actually. Why don't you tell me while you grab me another beer," I suggested.

Taking the empty bottle off the wooden bar top he grabbed me another and said as he twisted the cap off, "You know I've been told bartenders are like shrinks. Especially if you're lucky enough to be college chums with said bartender. So if you wanna talk about today or if you just need to get something off your chest, I'll gladly bill ya a hundred bucks an hour to listen. Or you could just give me your bike."

He gave me a flash of the charming smile he used to win girls over.

I snorted. "You can save that kiss ass smile for some pretty little blond thing. You ain't getting my damn bike."

Jack had been trying to get my bike away from me since the moment he'd first laid eyes on it in college. He'd even once offered me a crazy amount of money for it. However, there was no amount of money that would get me to part with it. The bike, a 1971 Morton Commando 750 motorcycle, had been my dad's. It was one of the few things I'd kept of his.

My dad had found it sitting in an alley in Chicago with a sign on it saying free to someone who could repair it. He'd never gotten around to doing it, having been too busy with work, but when he'd died, it was something I wanted to do.

I had originally planned on figuring out how to fix it that first summer Alice and I were living with our aunt and uncle. But then my relationship with Bella had developed quickly and I'd found myself spending nearly all my free time with her. Then once she'd left, I'd finally dug into it as a means to keep my mind occupied. I'd taken on extra hours working at the part time job I'd had at the local hardware store and doing any odd jobs around the ranch to earn extra money for the parts needed to repair the bike. It had been a great means of transportation for me during my college years and I now rode it occasionally just for fun. Jack had fallen in love with it the one time I'd let him ride it. But there was just no way him or anyone would ever get me to let it go. Didn't mean he didn't still try.

"Can't blame a guy for trying." He laughed and handed me the beer he'd opened for me.

I downed half my beer in one gulp. Picking at the burger in front of me I asked Jack, "You remember when we first met in college? How you gave me shit cuz I wouldn't hookup with all the blatantly available chicks with you?"

"Yeah. What about it?"

"Well you were right about why."

I scrubbed my hand over my face wondering if I really wanted to rehash my past with Bella, with Jack. But the urge to tell someone who wasn't related to me or her, pushed me forward.

"Right? Help me remember, bro."

Guess there was no turning back now. "You once accused me of either being gay or having had a chick done a real number on me," I supplied, refreshing his memory.

I could see the light in his head come on and his eyes brightened as he said, "So you are gay."

"What? Fuck no, you jackass!" I exclaimed and threw a fry from my plate at his head.

He ducked it and chuckled at me.

"Huh," he said with a shrug, still laughing inside. "So who's the chick then? You've never mentioned anyone."

No, but not because I hadn't thought of her.

I ran my hand through my hair and let out a huff of air as I tried to figure out where to start.

As if sensing what my problem was, Jack remarked, "You know usually the beginning is a good place to start."

I nodded and took a swig of my beer, swallowing it down along with the emotions that were threatening to explode in me.

An hour later I'd filled him in on my life with Bella Swan, from the feisty little girl who was like a kitten trying to be a lion, to the beautiful young woman who still lashed out like that pissed off kitten when she was upset, that had broken my heart and never looked back.

"She's never been back? Not once?" Jack questioned, his eyes wide in surprise.

"Nope."

"Not even to see Emmett?"

"No. Not when he and Rose got married or had Emma, and not when Alice and Jasper got married."

He let out a long low whistle. "Damn."

"Yeah. Damn."

"So let me get this straight. Not only did this chick pull a one eighty on you and walked out on you out the blue, but she walked away from her entire family too? How's Emmett feel about that?"

"Well now that's the kicker, I guess. While she's never been back here, Rose and Em have gone to see her at least once a year."

He took an unbalanced step back, almost as if he'd faltered from having too much to drink, which I knew was far from the case, and I'd swear a wave of shock crossed his face but it was gone so fast I couldn't be sure.

"No phone calls? No Dear John letter?" he wanted to know.

"Nothing."

"And she's back now?" he asked, before glancing at the clock and grabbing himself a beer. He occasionally had one while working, but never more until after closing time.

"Yep."

"You've seen her?"

"Yep."

"Must have been a bit rough." He took a drink of his beer and held up a finger for me to hold on while he filled the drink order for some guy who had just come in.

Once he was done he made his way back down to where I was. "As I was saying, seeing her must have been a bit rough, weird, after all this time."

"Fucking understatement of the century." I grumbled and finished my beer before asking for another along with another shot of whiskey.

I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands, trying to erase the visions my mind conjured up of my time with Bella.

"What?" he asked shooting me a look of surprise. "It's not like you still have feelings for this chick so what's the big deal? Yeah I get it's a bit weird. What with the way she left and all, but even if you were still too hung up on her back in the early days of college, surely you've moved way past that now," he stated like he was talking about the weather.

When I didn't respond he set his beer down and stared at me.

I just stared back, because I knew he was right, most guys would have moved on a long time ago. Once Bella was gone that should have been the end of it. But it wasn't. I wasn't most guys.

"Spit it out. What's the deal, man? You still pissed she dumped your ass like she did, or you still hanging on to feelings for her?"

~Bella~

"You're awfully deep in thought over there," Rose declared as she stepped through the door to the porch. I hadn't even heard the normally noisy spring of the wooden screen door.

"You must have the magic touch with that door." I'd heard it slam shut like a clap of thunder when Edward tore out of here like a bat out of hell a little while ago. "Is that how you used to sneak out and see Emmett late at night?" I teased her.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah…Maybe."

I didn't turn around to look at her, but knew she was headed my way as the sound of her shoes on the wooden planks got closer. She stopped right next to me. "I know you've been down in Florida on your own for a while now and have had to handle the loss of your father on your own until late last night when you got here, but you're not alone any more, Bella. I'm not going to pretend that I've come to understand why you left, because I don't. I don't know if I ever will. But…" She took a deep breath and placed her hand on top of mine resting on the rail, squeezing it gently. Her voice was much softer and held a lot more emotion when she continued. "I'm still your family. Emmett and I are here for you. Hell, there's a lot of people in this town that care for you. You don't have to grieve alone, and you don't have to hide it or pretend to be strong. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, then scream. If you need to fall apart, that's okay too. Do what you need to."

I felt a tear run down my face as I struggled to find the words to say to her. The dam of emotions I'd been fighting for so, so long was cracking quickly and I feared what'd be left behind if it gave away completely.

"Damnit, Isabella, you can't keep it bottled up inside forever," Rose insisted.

"I—I need—have you…"

"What Bella? What do you need? What do I have? I don't understand what you're trying to say," she begged me for answers.

"Have…Have you ever wished for a do over? Wished you could go back in time and change something?" I whispered.

"No, I can't say that I have."

"No, I guess you wouldn't. You've gotten everything you've ever wanted," I mumbled, low enough I didn't think she'd hear me.

"Wrong." She removed her hand from mine and took a step back placing her hand on her hip. The concerned look on her face was replaced by one that was less sympathetic.

A lot less.

"I never got to know why you took off out of here faster than those god forsaken storms my cousin chases after, leaving him with a broken heart that still hasn't healed."

I gasped as I tried breathe, feeling like I'd been kicked in the gut at the mention of what my leaving had done to Edward.

And what did she mean by still hasn't healed?

"What?" she asked. "Did you really think he'd get over you that easily? Did you think he'd just move on as if you'd never existed?"

"No—I—I just thought…."

"Thought what? That he'd be over you by now?" she quipped. "Moved on?"

"But it's been fo—"

"Four years? Yes, it has. But let me tell you something. He might think he's had all of us fooled over the years and I seriously doubt he's been a monk. And your brother may avoid talking about Edward like the plague when we visit you, but let me tell you something little sister, I can promise you, that man still loves you."

I shook my head back and forth refusing to believe what she was telling me. I didn't know why she was, maybe she thought it'd help ease the pain over losing my father. Whatever the reason it really took me for a ride because Rose wasn't one to tell bullshit stories, or to try and placate a person to make them happy. No, she was a straight and narrow kind of person.

"No. Just stop it now. Lies, you're lying to me. And I don't know why you are telling me these things, why you would lie to me like this. But I can promise you, that you are certainly wrong," I sobbed. "There's no way Edward still cares for me. I'm nothing."

"The only one who is lying here is you," she claimed. "I am not going to stand here and tell you that you and Edward could ever get back to where you once were, sometimes love isn't always enough, but it is a great place to start. To try. While I may be sure about what's in my cousin's heart, I also know when you left here, you devastated him. However, in order to even have a shot at it you are going to have to stop this lie you've held onto all these years and come clean about the real reason you left."

My mind was reeling. My head pounding. Was she right? Could I have a chance to make things right between Edward and me? No. Too much time had gone by. He never even tried to stop me from walking away, never called, wrote, or anything once I was gone. What Edward and I had shared was long gone. A beautiful memory that would be just that forever.

"I'm gonna head on up to bed," I murmured, keeping my head down and not making eye contact with her.

I'd just reached the door, my hand hovering over the handle. "Damn it, stop running, Bella. Stop acting like you aren't hurting too. Stop lying. Just stop."

Faster than I'd have thought was possible she was right next to me. She grabbed my arm and spun me around.

"If you won't tell me why you really left, at least be honest with Edward. He deserves that much. And your brother too."

She starred at me. My instant reaction was to look away. My resolve was beginning to weaken and I knew if I was out here much longer she'd see right through me and break me down the rest of the way. And if that happened it would only hurt those I loved more than I already had.

I pulled my arm out of her hold. "There's nothing to tell," I said as boldly as I could before darting into the house and making a fast track to the guest room.

That night as I tossed and turned in bed, Rose's words kept haunting me…at least be honest with Edward.

Maybe I should. Maybe it was finally time to come clean about why I really left. Maybe the truth could set Edward free. Give him closure and he could move on and be happy. Maybe…

~Edward~

"Eddie, baby, I thought you were gonna teach me how to play," Tanya whined. Her hand rubbing all over my chest felt all kinds of wrong, but I wasn't in a mood to really give a shit. "It's no fun just watching you try to kill those little balls."

"Here," I told her as I dug into my pocket for some change and shoved it into her hand. "Go play that song that was just on again."

"Again?" she screeched.

"Yeah." I downed the last half of my beer and turned to make my next shot, but at the last second I stopped and dug my hand into my pocket once more. "In fact," I said, pulling all the change out of my pocket and dumping it into her hand. "Play it as many times as you can."

Getting pissed as I nudged her off of me and turned to take my shot, she stomped her foot to get her point across and caused me to miss and send the balls flying in every direction but where I wanted them to go.

Fucking spoiled brat. She's nothing like…

The image of Bella sitting on Aunt Mae's fence shot through my mind. Did she ever really love me? I wondered as I shot the ball hard across the table.

With each subsequent shot I had another thought of Bella.

Why'd she leave?

And another shot…What's she been doing all this time?

And another… Why'd she have to come back?

With each question racing through my mind I was getting angrier and angrier causing me to shoot the ball harder each time.

"Eddie, let's get out of here," Tanya begged as she pulled on my arm spinning me around easily in my drunken state. Nearly as tall as me she pulled me towards her and planted a kiss on me.

"Get off me," I growled. "And don't fucking call me Eddie." I nudged her away from me. In doing so my pool stick hit a ball so hard it went flying, hitting the guy across the table in the junk.

"Oops," Tanya slurred with a giggle.

Next thing I knew I had my back against the wall and the guy's arm pressed under my chin choking me.

"You better watch yourself and the little lady over there or it's gonna be your face getting hit with my fist next time," he barked, spit spraying in my face as he did.

"Get the fuck off me," I grunted back. It was hard to talk with the hold he had on me.

"I think you better be going home now," he ordered, pressing even harder on my throat to back his threat.

"I'll leave when I'm damn ready. Now get off me!"

I shoved him off me and as I did he pulled his fist back….

"Woah, woah, woah," Jack chanted as he stepped in between us. "I think it's time you both go home," he ordered, holding us apart with his hands on each of our shoulders.

"You better watch your pal," the guy warned Jack as he nodded and turned to make his exit.

"Kiss my ass," I shouted after him.

"Edward," Jack grumbled. "You better shut the hell up now or I'm gonna drag your ass on over there and let him kick it into tomorrow mornin'."

"Really, Jack? You're gonna take his side?"

"Take me home, Eddie, you don't have to listen to either of them. I can make you feel all better," Tanya whined, while rubbing her hands up and down my chest. She'd been chasing after me for years now, and it would be easy to give in. But I just couldn't. It didn't feel right.

She didn't feel right.

"Tanya, you need to scoot yourself on outta here. Ain't nobody here wantin' what your flea infested ass is offerin'," Jack told her.

I couldn't help snicker a little at the put out, pissed off look that washed over her face as she stomped off.

"Really, Jack? You ruin my chance at getting lucky and you're gonna take his side on top of it?"

"It isn't about sides," he shot back at me. "It's about keeping my bar from being busted up and you from hating yourself in the morning. You know as well as I do, she ain't what you want." He picked up the pool stick I'd dropped in the scuffle with the other guy and set it back on the rack. "Besides," he added as he pulled the balls out of the pockets. "Tomorrow when your ass isn't drunk as a skunk, you'll see I was on your side." He turned and playfully slapped me on the cheek a couple of times. "Wouldn't want anyone to plow over that pretty mug of yours. Now come on. I'll pour ya one last shot before I close up for the night."

Three shots later I was about to get up to leave when I felt a hand on my shoulder shoving me back down.

"Not so fast there, Bro."

As soon as I saw Jasper plant himself on the stool next to mine, I knew Jack had been plying me with liquor to keep me here.

"Dude you look like hammered shit."

"You come to have a shot with me?" I asked him. "Hey, Jack, can we get two more shots down here?"

Jasper chuckled and shook his head a couple of times. "Nope, I came down here to drag your sorry ass home."

"Jack, you low down dirty double crosser. You ratted me out," I hollered as I tossed back the last of the beer I had. "I shoulda left with Tanya, she's purdier than you."

"I'm thinkin' Jack should have let Big Bubba kick your ass."

"Real nice, Jazz." I tried to stand again and had to grab the bar to keep from falling over.

"Jack," Jasper called out as he looped my arm and wrapped it around his neck.

"Yeah?"

"Edward's truck good to stay parked here til mornin'?"

"Sure is," Jack returned before calling, "Hold up one sec."

"What's that?" I asked as Jack stuffed a napkin in my shirt pocket.

"Just a little reminder. Read it in the morning when you can see straight," he told me.

I nodded and let Jasper lead me out to his truck.

"Let's go. It's time to take your drunk ass home before you get into any more trouble."  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter End Notes:

Poor Edward, trying to drink his sorrows away. We're getting closer to revealing why Bella left. It will begin to unravel in the next chapter.

Thank you to my partner in crime, My-Bella, for always making sure all those dang commas go where they are supposed to, and for helping me keep my sanity when the plot bunnies get out of control. I couldn't do this without you.

Don't forget to let me know what ya think. 

~EA


	4. Dirt Road Diary

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or it's characters, I just like to play with their lives every once in a while.

Thank you to my partner in crime, My-Bella, for always making sure all those dang commas go where they are supposed to, and for helping me keep my sanity when the plot bunnies get out of control. I couldn't do this without you.

Sorry for the wait.  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
If you want to know the real me, just turn the page in my dirt road diary.  
It's right there for you to see, every kiss, every beer, every cotton field memory.  
Tan legs and some Dixie Land delight, ridin' round, windows down on a summer night.  
I was there, and that was me. It's right here in my dirt road diary.

Dirt Road Diary ~Luke Bryan

~Bella~

The old floor creaked under my feet as I paced back and forth across the living room of the house I'd grown up in. It was still the same. The faded yellow kitchen cabinets were still dirty around the handles, the vinyl floors were still worn by the sink and the back door. The same jackets were hanging on the hall hooks. All the pictures and furniture were the same as well. Not a single thing about it had changed since I'd walked out the front door four years ago. It was almost as if no one had been here since I'd left, like the house had been vacuum sealed.

I sighed as I paused at the front window and silently prayed that Mr. Jenks would arrive soon to give us the details of Charlie's will.

"Sit down, baby bird," Emmett urged, using the nickname he'd given me when I was a baby. He'd once told me when I asked him why he always called me that, that whenever our momma would feed me baby food, that I'd open and close my mouth for more like a baby bird begging for worms. "You're gonna wear right through to the ground if ya don't stop."

I couldn't refrain from giving him a small smile as I sat on the opposite end of the couch from him and watched the seconds tick by on the mantle clock.

It felt like time had quit moving as Emmett and I sat there, an awkward silence taking over. I hated it. I hated not knowing what to say to my own brother.

Unable to sit still any longer, Emmett stood and walked over to the fireplace and picked up the picture of me from my favorite Halloween, where it sat on the mantle covered in a layer of dust. It had been one of our momma's favorite pictures too.

He blew the dust off the frame. Breaking the silence that was swallowing the room we were in he asked, "Remember this? When you were five and you had to be the wicked witch from the Wizard of Oz for Halloween?"

Remembering that night I chuckled. "Yes, and all because I thought it was so cool the way she flew on her broomstick in the tornado."

"Right, you were fascinated by those damn storms even back then."

I nodded. My fascination with them had only grown over the years. Emmett had often teased me for watching the weather channel like it was a regular television show. A love of the weather was something Edward and I had always had in common. We used to sit on the screened in porch on the back of his house and watch the storm rolling across the field like it was an Oscar winning movie.

"And then I cried when it took Momma nearly an hour to wash all the green off my face."

He smiled and sucked in a long breath of air. Shaking his head he said, "This house used to be filled with lots of love and laughter, baby bird. What happened to that?"

"I don't know." It died with Momma. "I really don't want to do this right now, Emmett. I just want to get this over with," I replied, trying not to sound like a bitch. Truth was it was hard being here, because he was right, this house had once overflowed with love.

"No, of course you don't. You just want to run away again," he bit back.

"Em…"

"What?"

"Don't. Please," I begged.

"Why, Bella? When are you going to finally come clean about why you really left? Stop playing games."

"You know why I left," I snapped, getting up to go stare out the window again.

"No. The only thing I know is what you told everyone. But I think it's time you stop using Momma's memory as an excuse for why you hightailed it on out of here like your ass was on fire."

"Whether you believe me or not, dear big brother, it's the truth."

"Isabella Marie Swan, you know as well as I do that it wasn't your fault Momma died. Ain't no one in this town, hell in this world, that believes that," he stated, frustration filling his voice.

"He d—"

I was cut off by a knock on the door.

Emmett quickly set the picture back on the mantle and took long strides to the front door.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Swan."

"Good afternoon, Mr. Jenks. And please, it's just Emmett," I heard my brother greet the lawyer our father had hired to handle his will.

I stood and turned around to face them as I heard them walk into the room from the front entry way.

"Jason Jenks, this is my baby sister, Bella," Emmett introduced.

"Hello," I returned. "Thank you for coming today."

"You're welcome," he replied before looking around as if he were trying to find something. "I take it Mr. Cullen hasn't arrived yet?" he then asked.

"No, not yet, but I expect him any time," Emmett answered quickly. "He assured me he'd be here."

"Uh, Mr. Cullen? As in Edward?" I asked looking back and forth between the two men for answers.

"Yes, ma'am," Mr. Jenks confirmed, giving me a look as if he was surprised I didn't already know this.

"Emmett?" My heart suddenly pounded like it would jump out of my chest and beads of sweat started prickling my forehead as I looked to my brother for answers as to why Edward was going to be here.

He shook his head at me, silently telling me 'no' to stop me from asking any more questions.

Sorry, big bro.

I walked over to him and situated myself so I was facing him, with my back to Mr. Jenks.

"Did you know Edward was going to be here?" I whisper-yelled at him.

"Yes. But I didn't have a choice. Dad requested his presence in the will. It's not like I asked Edward to come," he shot back, pulling me to the other side of the room so we wouldn't be overheard.

I was so upset right then, that I stomped my foot at him. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked through gritted teeth. I knew I was acting a bit childish, but it was that or scream. I just didn't understand why in the world my father would have wanted Edward here.

Hadn't he done enough damage already when it came to our relationship?

"Because I was worried you wouldn't show if I did. You tend to flee from all things Edward—at least these past four years you have."

"You know why that is."

"No, Bella, I don't think I do," he retorted angrily.

"Wha—" My rant was interrupted by the sound of a man loudly clearing his throat.

"Message received, Bella. Loud and clear. You don't want me here. So how 'bout you shut up so we can get this shindig over with?" Edward quipped with an eyebrow raised in a challenge for me to say anything else. When I didn't, I was certain I'd heard him mutter, "Then I can get the hell out of here."

Feeling the heat rise up my neck, I nodded, knowing I was blushing at being caught in an argument over him.

And knowing that once again, I'd hurt him.

"Well if everyone is agreeable, let's get started," Mr. Jenks suggested.

"Yes, let's," I agreed. The faster this was over with, the faster I could get back to Miami.

Keep telling yourself that…echoed on a continuous loop in my head.

Once Mr. Jenks had finished explaining to Emmett and me that all Charlie's belongings were to be split evenly between the two of us, I was anxious to leave. It had only taken him about a half hour to go over my father's last wishes, but it had felt like an eternity.

My parents had both lived a very simple lifestyle and Charlie's had been even more so after my momma had passed, so that hadn't left a lot behind to divide up between Emmett and me. The two biggest things were the house and a life insurance policy he'd had through the local sheriff's department where he'd been the chief for many years. There was also a small bank account.

With my mind on my past with my parents, I'd almost forgotten Edward was here until he'd started talking.

"Excuse me, ah, Mr. Jenks, you seem to be finished with the settling of Mr. Swan's estate and I've yet to understand why I'm here."

I looked over to Edward, not expecting his eyes to be on me. But sure enough my brown eyes were met with his green ones. We held each other's gaze until Mr. Jenks began to answer Edward's question, pulling our attention to him. But for the brief moment we'd been locked on one another, the emotion I'd seen staring at me in his eyes, had caused my heart to skip a beat and had left me wondering what it meant.

"You're here, Mr. Cullen, because I have something for you from Mr. Swan," Mr. Jenks replied. "In fact," he said as he reached into the open briefcase sitting on the coffee table in front of him, "I have something for Miss Swan as well."

I looked to my brother for some clarification, but he only shrugged, giving me the impression he didn't have any clue what this was about.

"There's nothing more for Emmett?" I asked. "What is this? Emmett, do you know what this is?"

My brother shrugged again, but the look on his face told me he knew more than he was letting on. He had that fake innocent look on his face, a fake, "I don't know what you're talking about" expression. It was exactly like the time I was supposed to be spending the night with Jessica Stanley, but had really spent the night in a tent down by the river with Edward, and I'd asked Emmet if Charlie had found out and he had answered, "Found out what?" even though the whole time he knew I'd been busted.

"I can't tell you what is in that envelope, Miss Swan, because I don't know. All I can tell you is that I was instructed by your father to give it to you, along with the one for Mr. Cullen, in the event of his death. There was an envelope for your brother as well, however when I spoke to your father right before his passing, he'd instructed me to give Emmett his at that time," Jenks explained.

"So, Emmett, if you got one too why can't you tell us what this is all about?" Edward asked.

"Because I don't know that yours is the same as mine," my brother told his friend, but the way his voice held an overly convincing tone, it still felt like he knew more.

"I'm not buying it, Emmett," Edward quipped.

"Me either," I added.

We were interrupted by the sound of Mr. Jenks' voice cutting in. "I believe I've covered everything, if the three of you don't have any more questions, then I'll be on my way."

"No, I think you covered it all," Emmett told him.

"Please don't hesitate to give me a call," Jenks added before making his way to the door.

As soon as the door was closed, I watched out the window until Mr. Jenks was a few feet from the house. Once he was I turned to my brother. I needed to know why he appeared to be holding out on us about these letters or whatever they were. It's wasn't like him to not be honest and up front. He'd never hid anything from me before and it had me a bit scared as to what could possibly be in the envelopes. It was all so very confusing and the fact that Edward was here just added to it all.

"Now cut the crap, Emmett. Tell us what the hell is in these envelopes." I hadn't really meant for it to come across as harsh as it had, but I was desperate for more information.

Edward didn't say anything, just stared at his best friend with an eyebrow cocked, waiting for an answer.

"Look," Emmett said, followed by a long sigh. "I can't tell you what's in there. Mine was a letter, maybe yours is too. All I can say is that you should really think about what it says if it's anything similar to what mine was."

"Well what'd yours say, and why would Dad leave Edward a letter?" I demanded to know.

My father had once been very fond of Edward—protective even—but this…

"I'm sorry, Sis, Edward, but I can't tell you that. Now I really have to go. I've got to get some stuff done on the ranch and then Rosie has a honey-do-list for me to get going on. Bella, I'll wait in the truck for a few, but then I have to go, so if you want a ride back you best be coming on."

I wanted to scream at my brother to get his ass back in here and tell me this instant what his letter had said, but I knew that wouldn't happen. I knew my brother well enough to know that if he said this was something I had to do on my own, then that was exactly what he was going to make sure happened.

"Well, uh…I need to go too," Edward said quickly and left.

I hollered out to Emmett that I'd walk back to the ranch. It was a walk I'd made many times when I was younger. Left alone in the living room of my childhood home, after picking the letter up and setting it back down on the coffee table what felt like a hundred times, I decided there was no time like the present to get this thing over with.

There was a part of me that didn't want to open it at all. But an even greater part of me, perhaps the part buried somewhere deep inside that still remembered the little girl who had idolized her daddy. The little girl who would run out the door to greet him every day when he'd come home from work and jump up into his arms. That part was screaming to know what was in the envelope.

With shaking hands, I fumbled and tore the envelope open. Peeking inside I saw a single folded piece of paper. I pulled it out, unfolding it, and saw it was indeed a letter from my father.

As I read the first line, tears welled in my eyes, when I was again reminded of a time when I'd felt loved and adored by my father.

My beautiful baby girl…

~Edward~

"Go get it, girl. Bring me the ball!" I called to Dottie as I threw her favorite tennis ball across the yard.

Watching her race after it and retrieve the ball so she could bring it back to me, I noticed Jasper walking down the road from Aunt Mae's house.

"How's it going?" he asked, watching me throw the ball for Dottie again. She could play this game for hours.

"Good. I'm fine. You?"

"I'm great. You have a nasty hangover after the other night?" he asked.

"Not too bad, but enough that I felt it."

He laughed lightly. "What was with the napkin he made you take?"

I snorted and shook my head. "Oh just Jack being an ass, but thinking he's being funny."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, it was a bill for his outstanding shrink services. I uh, may have been talking about Bella when I first got there," I shared with him.

"You okay, I heard you were at the reading for Emmett's dad's will," he prodded.

I chuckled sarcastically, now knowing why he was here. As usual my sister couldn't keep a secret to save her life.

"So she told you," I quipped, not hiding my irritation with his wife.

"It's just me, Edward. Is it really so bad she did? You know your sister and me have no secrets from each other," he offered, in defense.

Maybe he was right, but that didn't mean I couldn't wish that just this once Allie had listened when I'd asked her to keep the details of the letter Charlie Swan had left me to herself.

"If you say so," I told him, not in the mood to argue.

Ready to head inside before he started wanting to talk about the letter anymore, I whistled for Dottie to come back to me.

After getting the ball from Dottie I pointed to the door, knowing she'd understand and meet me there.

"So you're just going to walk away? Not going to say anything?" He had this look on his face like he was really surprised I wasn't going to just jump into a conversation with him about it.

"Yeah, I am."

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" he asked. "And if it's really that important to you, I won't even tell Allie. You have my word."

"I'm not sure you really want to know, Jasper. Hell, I ain't even sure I want to know some of the shit running through my head," I admitted. "Aunt Mae would probably kick my ass."

"That bad? I can only imagine how tangled up inside you must be to finally learn the truth after all this time. But I doubt whatever you got going on in that head of yours, is as bad, or nearly as crazy as you think," he replied. "And even if it is a bit crazy, so is this whole situation, Edward. There's nothing normal about it at all."

The look of concern on his face told me he was being genuinely sincere, but I still didn't know if I was ready to talk about it.

"I know you're right," I gave him, "But I'm not exactly proud of some of the thoughts I'm having."

He nodded before saying, "I'm not your sister, Edward. And again this is a messed up situation. Really messed up. It's hurt several people, you most of all. Sometimes our pain makes us do, say, or think things that maybe we wouldn't otherwise have. I'm not here to judge you. I only want to give you an outlet, someone to talk to. And I won't interrogate you for any thoughts or feelings you might have. Charlie was the only cop in the family, the only one with the motto of 'anything you say can and will be used against you'. But I doubt he'd even give you grief over what's gone down, especially since we now know he helped create the clusterfuck of a situation that led to Bella leaving."

"Yeah well I guess Charlie and me are both lucky he's not here anymore because I'd like to introduce his face to my fist and I reckon that'd probably lead to him arresting my ass."

The only reaction I got from him was a cocked eyebrow.

"See, told ya my thoughts were fucked up. Who wishes a dead man were still alive so you can punch his lights out?"

He remained silent, my guess waiting for me to say something else. But I was still debating. Getting shit off my chest might be good. I was just so torn over it.

He huffed and raised his arms as if in surrender and let them smack back down to his sides when I didn't give him anything else.

"Ok. Fine," he finally said in defeat. "I give up. I gave you my word. I'd like to think you've known me long enough for that to be enough. But I guess this time it's not. So since all you wanna tell me is how you want to punch a dead man, which I don't blame you for one bit, I'm gonna go."

He got about ten feet away before I caved. "Wait!" He turned around, but didn't make a move to come back. "I'm sorry."

"It's no biggie. I get it. You're not ready," he replied.

"Maybe I need to, whether I want to or not. But…"

"But what," he asked as he turned back and came to a stop in front of me.

"No one, Jasper. I mean absolutely no one can know what I am about to tell you. Not even my sister."

"You have my word," he promised.

"Let's go inside, we might need a beer or two for this."

He clapped me on the shoulder and nodded.

Once inside he took a seat on the couch and took the bottle of beer I offered.

I sat down on the end of my bed, directly across from the couch and hung my head, shaking it back and forth.

After a minute I lifted my head and took a long swallow of my beer.

"Are you having a hard time with her reason for leaving?" Jasper wanted to know.

"No, I don't really think it's that. I think that part pisses me off at her daddy more than anything."

"I can see that," he admitted. "The things Allie told me he'd done…well its wrong on so many levels."

"Fucking unforgivable. But who am I trying to kid? I'm pissed at her, pissed at her daddy, hell, I'm even pissed at myself," I admitted.

"Why the hell would you be pissed at yourself, man? You didn't cause this shit."

I shook my head, disgusted with myself for feeling the way I did, but at the same time, not being able to help it either.

I fell backwards 'til I was lying on my bed with my arm flung over my face, feeling the need to hide from my emotions.

"Well?" Jasper proded.

"It's…it's just…part of me wants revenge," I answered, remaining in the same position, not wanting to see what I was sure would be a look of disappointment on my brother-in-law's face.

"I think that's pretty normal," he replied, shocking me.

"You do?" I sat up quickly wanting to see the truth in his eyes as he answered me.

"Well, sure. You were hurt, and hurt pretty damn badly. Still hurting I'd say. So I think it's human nature for you to feel that way. But Sheriff Swan is gone, so getting revenge on him is not gonna happen, which probably makes it even a little more frustrating. You can't even lash out at the source of your anger," he reasoned.

"If it was that cut and dry, I'd be fine," I told him. "Hell yeah I'm pissed at his role in this mess, but it ain't the Sheriff I'm talking 'bout."

"It's not?" His eyes got wide and his eyebrows nearly rose to his hair line.

I let out a long breath of air and sucked another in. "I knew how haunted Bella was by her momma's death. She always blamed herself, from the moment it happened until the day she blew out of here faster than a summer storm. I never agreed with how she felt, but I tried to understand her. Hell, I thought she'd even started to come to terms with it right up 'til she pulled her disappearing act on us."

"But she didn't," Jasper stated, downing the rest of his beer, before getting up to grab another for the both of us. "Why did she feel responsible for her mother's death anyways?"

"Because she didn't do something she was supposed to. That's her view of it and I never really looked at it from her side of things back then. I was always more concerned with getting her through the pain of losing her momma. I was so focused on convincing her it wasn't her fault so I never stopped to look at it her way," I admitted, only just realizing it as I said it.

"Okay," Jasper said. "So you have new perspective on it now. But you still haven't told me what happened."

I nodded, telling him I would explain. I swallowed a gulp of beer and began, "It was a few days before the start of my and Bella's senior year of high school. Her momma was a teacher at the middle school and had asked her to come by and help her set up her classroom. If I remember right, there had been some new teachers added and that had caused some of the other teachers to get their rooms shuffled around. Renee was one of them so she had more than the normal beginning of the school year stuff to do in her classroom."

"So what happened? Did something happen at the school? And how would Bella blame herself for that?" Jasper asked.

"I'm getting to that," I told him. "Bella was supposed to go help Renee set up, but never did go. She'd been fighting a headache, watching a little TV, waiting for it to pass after taking something for it." I closed my eyes, the day coming back to me along with the terrified look on Bella's face as they searched for her momma. "She'd only meant to close her eyes for a minute or two. It was the thunder that woke her. She thought the storm was far enough off she could make it to the school. She even called her momma to say she was on her way and apologize for running late."

"Go on," Jasper encouraged.

"Let me first just say, this wasn't normal behavior for Bella. She was practically the ideal daughter." I paused. With a smirk and a chuckle, I added, "That is as far as her parents knew. They had no idea how much I'd um…corrupted their little girl."

Jasper snorted and nearly choked on his beer with my comment.

As soon as I saw he was alright, I went on, "When she called her momma, Renee told her not to bother coming down. She'd finished and was on her way home. Told Bella to get dinner on the stove. I remember Bella telling me Renee had sounded put out, but not really mad at her."

"So what's missing? I'm still not getting it."

"Remember I said Bella was woken up by thunder?"

"Yeah."

"Well the storm built quickly and dropped a tornado. When the sirens went off, Bella called Renee to make sure she knew to stay at the school, but Renee told her she was already on her way home and thought she could make it."

"But she didn't, did she?" Jasper asked softly.

"No. She never made it home. Her car was found upside down in a field a few miles from the highway she'd been driving on and her body even further away. And Bella blamed herself because she believed that if she'd gone to help her momma like she was supposed to, they both would have already been home safely at least an hour before the storm hit."

"I guess I don't have to ask if anyone tried to reason with Bella, that she's not responsible for her momma not going back to the school and taking cover? That her momma made the choice to drive home at that time, not Bella?"

I let out a long sigh. "Yeah, Emmett, Alice, Rose—hell all of us did. I take that back—until now I'd always just assumed her dad had too, but I suppose knowing what I do now, he sort of reinforced that line of thinking in her messed-up head."

And…"

"And what?" Jasper pushed me to answer.

"And well…now part of me gets it. Gets why she wanted to leave. Not how she did it, but why. But there's this other part that…"

"That wants revenge," Jasper finished for me.

"Yeah, part of me wants to lash out at her and teach her a lesson. Hurt her like she did me."

It may have felt good to admit how I was feeling, but it sure didn't lesson how wrong it felt to feel that way. Seeing things from Bella's point of view was making me hate myself for being pissed at her, but I couldn't help the hurt that I'd lived with for the last few years.

"That is some pretty heavy shit. I can see why it's weighing so heavily on you," he sympathized.

"I told you. Does it make me a sick fucker?"

"For feeling like that?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"No."

"Really?" I asked. I was relieved but surprised by his response. I hated myself for feeling the way I did, I wasn't raised to want to think such things about women. Especially one I'd loved with all my heart.

Maybe still loved.

"Yes. I get why you'd want her to feel the pain she caused you. To break your heart like she did yours. Or let me rephrase that, I get why you think you want to hurt her like she did you."

"What do you mean, why I think I want to hurt her?"

"Edward, the fact that you are still so messed up about this, at least in my opinion, means you still have feelings for her. Personally I don't think you've ever quit loving her. And I'm sure you know I'm not alone in that thought."

"What in the damn hell does that have to do with anything?" I was starting to get frustrated with him now. I was well aware of everyone's opinion on how I felt about Bella, but that isn't what we'd come up here to talk about.

Keep telling yourself that, cowboy.

"Look, I know you haven't had a lot of time to digest what you've learned about her leaving. But have you stopped to think about how hard what she was going through must have been? How hard it was for her to leave you? Whether she should have or not, the guilt that was eating her up. And then to only have that guilt ground in even further by her father's asinine shit?"

"Even if she was hurting over it too, sure didn't slow her down none," I quipped.

"Maybe not. But I don't think you'd be nearly as upset if you didn't still care for her. I think you'd finally know why she left, you'd have the closure you've needed for the past few years and you'd finally be able to let it go. And think about this for a minute, you know the grief you felt when your parents died, imagine how much worse that would have been if you'd thought it was even the tiniest bit your fault somehow?"

I tossed what Jasper asked me around in my head for a bit and then it was suddenly as if a switch had been flipped. For the first time the puzzle pieces were clicking in my head all coming together. I was looking at things from Bella's point of view. I'd always tried to imagine why she'd left. Only thing that had ever made sense was her feelings for me had changed and she'd been too big of a chickenshit to be honest with me so she just upped and run off.

"It makes a difference, doesn't it?" he asked.

"Yeah," I admitted.

"Figured it would. But honestly, I don't think you want to let it go and it's because you still love her. You said part of you wants revenge, well what about the other part of you? What does it want?" he asked.

"You really want to know?"

"That's why I asked."

"Smartass," I mumbled lowly, causing him to laugh.

"Fine. Yes I still have feelings for her and I probably always have. Maybe I always will. As pissed as I am, there's still a huge part of me that would love to get it all back. To have her back. Jasper…"

I shook my head not believing what I was about to tell to him. I hadn't admitted my true feelings to anyone.

"If I could," I continued, "As crazy as it sounds, I'd trade all of my tomorrows for just one yesterday with her. To be able to go back in time and have what we shared again…I…I can't even describe how much I want that."

"So why settle for the past, man? Why not try to fix things? I'm fairly certain you aren't the only one who still has feelings in this mess."

"Fool me once shame on her, fool me twice and I've got nobody to blame but me. Knowing why she left, if she still has feelings of her own … Even if I could get past her leaving, then what? She ran away from all we could have been once before, who's to say she's not going to hightail it out of here again? I don't know that it's worth risking my heart getting stomped on again."

He chuckled. "I don't know who's more stubborn, you or your sister."

"She is," I insisted.

"Maybe. Any other time I might even agree with you." He shook his head and smiled. "But the thing is, you'll never know if you don't try. Think about how you'd feel if you have to not only live without her for the rest of your life, but you also have to live with the what ifs of knowing you never even tried to get her back. She's here now. Give her a reason to stay."

"I don't know if I can. Even if I did want to," I said honestly.

"It's a huge chance, I get that. But we only get one life to live and the only wasted chances are the ones you never take, Edward. Can you live with yourself knowing you had a second chance right there in front of you, within your grasp, and you let it slip away?"

"There's still the fact that she lives in Miami now," I argued.

"Like I said, give her a reason to stay. She left to avoid the pain. Make her stay for love."

"Maybe," I replied, shrugging my shoulders. That was all he was going to get from me. I'd already said way more than I'd intended. And I wasn't ready to give what he was suggesting any real thought.

"Just think about it, man. That's all I'm saying."

I nodded.

He stood and walked to the trashcan to toss his empty bottles in the can. "I best get on home. Your sister will come looking for me if I don't. I doubt you are ready for her to play twenty questions with you."

"No."

He was near the bottom of the stairs when I called out to him. "Hey, Jazz."

"Yeah," he hollered back.

"Thanks, man."

"Anytime," he replied and then was gone.

I got up and grabbed another beer out of the fridge. Sitting back down on my bed after I twisted the cap open, I downed half of it in one long swig, and then finished it off in another.

"Fuck," I muttered to myself, wanting to throw the empty bottle across the room, but not wanting to clean up the mess or risk Dottie getting hurt, I set it on the floor next to the bed.

I fell backwards on the bed and scrubbed my hands over my face in frustration as I thought back over my conversation with Jasper and the letter I'd gotten from Bella's daddy.

Dottie jumped up on the bed and curled up next to me. I ruffled her fur and rolled over, closing my eyes. As I considered what I'd learned about Bella's reasons for leaving, my mind slowly drifted to a place where she'd never left.

A scene started to play out in my head like a movie. I was taken back to the summer just before she'd left.

We were parked at the end of an old dirt road that led to the river. Bella was curled against me with her head on my shoulder as we laid on a blanket in the back of my pickup truck under the shade of an old oak tree.

"Think we're going to remember this summer?" she asked, sliding her hand up under the edge of my t-shirt and caressing the bare skin she found.

"Maybe," I answered, dropping a kiss to the top of her head. "I'd like to think we will. I'm fairly sure you will but I'm a guy. What was it Rose said the other day, we've got an attention span of like three seconds?"

Snorting softly she cut in, "Only one if you're Emmett."

"You'll remember," she said convincingly. She pulled her hand from under my shirt and rolled up on top of me. "This will remind you," she whispered as she lowered her lips to mine.

My arms tightened around her as our kiss went on forever, slow and deep, filled with all the emotions surrounding us as we contemplated our future.

A rumble of thunder in the distance and a few drops of rain awakened us to the coming storm, breaking us out of the kiss we'd become lost in.

"We'll remember," she repeated as we grabbed the blanket and our shoes. "I know we will. This place will always be special to us. The trees, the river, the dusty old dirt road…all of it."

"The dirt road?" I asked, laughing at her as she squealed from the downpour that caught us just as we were climbing into my truck.

"Yeah. It's been a witness to everything we've done this summer and who knows what it'll end up seeing in the years to come. All ya gotta do if your memory gets fuzzy is come on out here, roll the windows down, and listen. It'll tell you all our secrets, remind you of all our hopes and dreams."

I looked out on the road and then back at her. "A dirt road diary."

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "I like that term. Our dirt road diary."

"Our dirt road diary," I repeated and then leaned over and kissed her with rain pouring down all around us, creating a private cocoon, shielding us from the world around us.

"Ungh," I groaned, rolling over and burring my face in the pillow by Dottie.

Get your head out of the clouds, Cullen. That shit ain't ever gonna happen, I chastised myself internally.

"Or could it," the other voice in my head countered, thinking back to what Jasper had said, "we only get one life to live and the only wasted chances are the ones you never take, Edward. Can you live with yourself knowing you had a second chance right there in front of you, within your grasp, and you let it slip away?"

Could I let myself open up to the possibility of seeing if there was anything left for Bella and me? I felt like I was in one of those cartoons where the guy had an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, sending him conflicting messages.

"What the hell am I supposed to do, girl?" I asked Dottie.

She whined and let out a bark, before rolling over on her back, letting me know she wanted her belly rubbed.

"You think this is the answer to everything, don't you?"

I chuckled when she barked again.

One thing was certain, I didn't have to make a decision today. It was something I'd have to think long and hard about. I didn't know if letting Bella back into my life was something I could do, even though deep down, I knew I still loved her.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter End Notes:

There have been lots of ideas out there as to why Bella left. Everything from her being pregnant and running off to hide it, or that there was someone else. I am really curious to know if your opinion has changed after this chapter. Let me know, if you guess right, I'll give you a sneak peek of Bella and Edward finally confronting it face to face.

I can't wait to see what everyone thinks! Thanks for reading!

See ya soon,

~EA


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